Archive for August 2nd, 2010

DAYS

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

For the first time since I was staying with Granny, before she went to the hospital, I watched “Days of Our Lives” today.

Granny would almost always lay down after lunch and watch it on the TV in the bedroom and I would sometimes watch it in the living room.

Some of the biggest blessings in my life were received while I was helping with her care.  I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to spend this time with Granny.  Hind sight is 20/20 and if I could go back, I would spend more time with her when she was able to do stuff, take her shopping and out to eat.  Just do things with her that I know she enjoyed doing.

Granny never complained to me how I did things or didn’t do things.  She was so easy to please and never complained about her condition to me.  Granny was dissatisfied that she could not do for herself and felt that she was a burden to others.  She was NEVER a burden to me.  If only I can have the grace she had if I am ever dependent on others for my care.

The morning before she went to the hospital that afternoon, she said to me “I’m going home” with such acceptance.  I knew at that time she knew Jesus almost had her mansion completed.  I hoped she was wrong, but everyday her condition told me that she was indeed right.  Granny was not afraid to die!!

Yes, Granny, I loved you then and I love you today.

STEPS

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

How many steps to achieve in this program or that program?  I remember many, many, many years ago in GA’s we had many steps to complete before advancing to the top.

In today’s world we are often called upon to not be a part of the crowd and perform our own non 12 step program.  I mean this to say that we cope with our situations in our own way and not by a do this or do that program.

EX:  it has been said to get a good night’s rest one needs to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day.  I find this not to be true for me, or then again it may be.  If I want to go to sleep when I go to bed, I must stay up until between 12 and 1.  If I go to bed any earlier, I just toss and turn and have done this for a long time.

I guess no matter what the situation, we each have to work out our own program.

PULSE

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Sometimes I wonder what my pulse rate is, do you?  I should probably invest in a pulse oximeter, so that I can keep it checked.

I often have moments when I know it is extremely high.  This occurs when I am thinking of someone that was in my life for 37 years and 2 months. He has to know how bad it hurts and the unanswered questions that I have, ’cause you see, he was walked out on about 39 years ago.

Sometimes when I think of him, my stress level gets so high that I become nauseated. NO he does not nauseate me, NEVER has and NEVER will but the stress he is causing me does.

Sure, I will learn to manage, but will I ever be ok?